In the woods of Northern Michigan he made his home
Didn't ask much from the world, just wanted to be alone
And got his first real blade at thirteen that's when it all began
And soon the creatures of the forest called him whittlin' man

Yeah

He whittled all day and he whittled all night
He whittled whittled whittled everything in sight
He whittled on a stick
He whittled on his shoe
And if you come too close he'll whittle you too

Keep a safe distance if you can
Cause you're never safe around whittlin' man

Had a stump to sit on
Had some wood, had his trusty knife
Whittled out a house, a car
And he whittled himself a wife (such a beautiful wife)
Whittled out four kids, a swimming pool and a big leer jet
And so he wouldn't miss saved by the bell, well he whittled a T.V. set

Yeah

He whittled if it's light, and he whittled if it's dark
And if no one was around well he'd whittle in the nark
He'd whittle something new and he'd whittle something old
He'd whittle some hot and he'd whittle some rather chilly

Keep a safe distance if you can
Because you're never safe around whittlin' man

Break it down

Some say whittlin' man's a genius, still others say he's just dumb
He whittled off a foot an ear, three fingers and his left thumb
Boy is he dumb
That won't stop him, no it won't
He'll whittle through thick and thin
Once he's whittled everything, he'll just whittle it all again

Yeah

He whittled if it was white, and he whittled if it's black
And he whittled on a duck til the duck can't quack
He whittled if it was dry and he whittled if it's juicy
Whittled on Desi and he whittled on Lucy
Whittled JFK and he whittled Jackie O
Whittled old Larry and Curly and Moe
And he whittled Frank Zappa and he whittled Tipper Gore
Whittle whittle whittle til he can't no more
Whittled Shamu and he whittled on Jaws
Whittled The Easter Bunny and he whittled Santa Claus
And whittle whittle whittle just fast he can
Whittle till he's dead, he's whittlin' man