"Hey, look at Kevin Stupid over here. He's choking cuz he's stupid!"

First Aid...For Choking

Step 1. Ask, are you choking?
(this is the universal choking sign)
Step 2. Have someone call EMS ambulance, telephone 911.
If victim can speak, breath, or cough...
Stand by but do not interfere, wait for professional help
Step 3. Victim cannot speak,
Victim cannot breath,
Victim cannot cough...
Perform Heimlich Maneuver until food or object is forced out.

"Did you call the ambulance?"
"Yeah, they're on their way."
"Aw, they better hurry up, he's turning blue."
"Ehh, I'd say more of a purple."
"Ehh, it's kind of, kind of a bluish purple"

If victim becomes unconscious
Clear mouth
Then perform abdominal thrusts, 5 to 10 times!

Repeat steps until food or object is forced out
Then do mouth-to-mouth or CPR as necessary
Repeat steps until food or object is forced out
Then do mouth-to-mouth or CPR as necessary

"Aw, thanks. It was the cheese on the pizza."
"Mmmhhh...cheese..."

Step 1. (again) Ask are you still choking?
"Well obviously he's still choking"
Step 2. Still waiting on the ambulance
"Where are they? Traffic jam? Possibly,
Wait a sec, flashing lights, here they come, finally!"
"Alright, who here called the ambulance?"
"Oh my god, you're here! He's turning blue!"
"Ehh, I thought we agreed on bluish purple?"
"I'd say it's more of an indigo"
"Indigo is not even a color!"

This song is legit information
It could save somebody's life someday
If you find yourself in this situation
Remember what we had to say then
Perform abdominal thrusts, again

"We lost him, call it."
[coughs] "Naw, I'm good."