A B C D E F G H I gotta' gal wears her toenails long
Drives a red Barracuda, singin' meat packer songs
And she ain't from Kalamazoo 

A B C D E F G H I gotta' friend lived in a Mercedes-Benz
Then a 55 Chrysler where the trunk never ends
And the plates say Kalamazoo 

He had a steady job and watched what he spent
He'd say I don't believe in payin' no goddamn rent
I'll squirrel away every goddamn cent
And buy my own damn house in Kalamazoo 

I knew a guy that mangled his hand
And he went from pipe fittin' to a hot dog stand
They say last year he cleared fifty grand
Selling dogs round Kalamazoo 

She turned to the world with a bastard child
Said, "I just can't handle him he's too damn wild"
But the years and the liquor have made him mild
And he lays around Kalamazoo