If there's a wrong way say it
And a right way to play it
Nobody does it like me

If there's a wrong way to do it
A right way to screw it up, ha
Nobody does it like me

I've got a big loud mouth
I'm always talking much to free
If you go for tact and manners
Better stay away from me

If there's a wrong way to keep it cool
A right way to be a fool
Nobody does it like me

I hear a love song or ballad
I toss like a salad
Nobody tosses like me

And when my evenings get tougher
I just take two buffein'
And drink a hot cup of tea

Last night, I met an old acquaintance
At a fancy corner pub,
He said 'come on let's have some supper'
Then he used my credit-club

If there's a wrong way take a guy
The worst way to make a guy
Nobody does it like me

If there's a wrong bell, I ring it
A wrong note I sing it
Nobody does it like me

If there's a problem, I duck it
I don't solve it I just muck it up
Nobody does it like me

And so try to be a lady
I'm no lady I'm a fraud
And when I talk like I'm a lady
What I sound like is a broad

If there's a wrong way to get a guy
the right way to lose a guy
Nobody does it like me

Nobody does it, no
Nobody does it
Nobody does it like me

Nobody does it like me