Mark: "Hi, friends. Now just be honest about it, 
friends and neighbours. Did you ever consider the 
possibility that your penis, and in the case of many 
dignified ladies, that size of the tities themselves 
might possibly provide elements of sub-conscious 
tension . . . " 
Howard: See, the trouble here, Frank, lies in the fact 
that on that sheet it says "that size," it doesn't say 
"that the size" therefore . . . 
FZ: Get a pencil and write in "that the size" 
Mark: Could I have a . . . 
Howard: Well, I'm sorry 
Mark: " . . . weird, twisted anxieties which could 
force a person to become a politician, a policeman, a 
narc, a casket maker . . . " 
FZ: An usher! 
Jeff: A musician 
Mark: "Or in the case of the ladies, the ones that 
can't afford a silicon beef-up, become writers of hot 
books!" 
Howard: "I placed my burning phallus between her 
quivering quim!" 
Mark: "A carmelite nun!" 
Howard: "She placed my burning phallus between her 
quivering quim!" 
Mark: "Or jockeys! There is no reason why you or your 
loved one should suffer. Things are bad enough already 
without the size of your organ adding even more misery 
to the troubles of the world! If you are a lady with 
munchkin tits, you can't console yourself with this age 
old line . . . " 
FZ: No, "you can console yourself" 
Mark: "You can console yourself with this age old line 
from . . . " 
Howard: Simmons! 
POOO-HHH! POOO-AHH-AHH! 
Mark: "And if you're a guy . . . " 
Howard: "Anything over a mouthful . . . " 
Mark & Howard: " . . . is wasted!" 
Mark: "And if you're a guy and you're ashamed of your 
dick and somebody hits on you one night in a casual 
conversation and turns to you and says, uh . . . " 
Howard: "Eight inches or less!" 
Mark: "You just swivel right back around and look this 
sonofabitch straight in the eyes, and say . . . "