Space Olympics

The Lonely Island

Reach for the stars! 

You stand on a distant planet 
Skyline of red plateaus 
Strange air and vegetation 
You're a winner! 

Welcome to the Space Olympics 
The year Thirty Twenty Two 
Take part in a grand tradition 
Your name echoes in the holes of the universe! 

Believe in yourself! 
Take your game into outer space! 

Every single galactic athlete 
Needs a coded ID badge 
Drug tests are mandatory 
You're a winner! 

The Athlete's Village is on Zargon 
You all get a junior suite 
We don't cover incidentals 
So keep your ass off the minibar! 

You're the best in the world! 
Brace yourself 'cause there's no gravity! 

You're in the motherfuckin' Space Olympics! 

Let it be known by every nation 
You'll only get one meal a day 
There was a bit of a budget SNAFU 
And food funding is insufficient 

We can't really enforce a curfew 
As there is no light or sound 
Just one of the many problems 
With hosting a sporting event in space. 

Attention all athletes. There are minor scheduling adjustments. 

Space Disc! Is totally cancelled. 
Space Swords! Is totally cancelled. 
Space Luge! Is also cancelled. 
And all other events are pending! 

Welcome to your Space Olympics 
All the oxygen has run out 
And someone who will not be named 
Accidentally hit self-destruct 

As you file to your escape pods 
I'll distract the alien hordes 
And as I stare death in the face I know my sins will take me to hell. 

You do it for the love 
My love 
And there ain't no woman that could take your spot my love