When you say goodbye I really want to know
 Everything you do and everyplace you go
 And did you take a regular supply
 Of those crazy little tampax with you
 It hurts me deep inside, it hurts me outside too
 I feel a little pardon and I feel a little used
 If you ever needed someone to polish up your shoes
 I'll be waiting, with my brush

 I'd move to Italy with you if I had the money
 But 'til then I'll sit at home and read maps and go to pub
 Where the weather isn't sunny and the weather isn't bad
 Where the bellies look so happy but the faces look so sad
 But it doesn't really matter what's outside
 'Cause I'm in here and he's in here
 And she's in here and they're in here
 We're all in here, we're all so glad

 And in our own funny way we're all in Italy anyway
 Eating fancy pasta, climbing mountain ranges
 Drinking ice-cold lagers, living in Spanish castles
 We're all with you, in our thoughts
 In white ankle socks and pink Bermuda shorts
 I'll be with you, with you one day, we'll all be with you, with you one day
 One sunny beach, one sunny life, we're all glad for you
 But 'til then, we're all glad for you, I'm so glad

 I am a man, and I have a tent, I have a ball and a bat
 I have a li-lo, I have a bucket
 I have a good, good, good pair of trunks
 I've got a good, good pair of trunks

 Well here I am at the airport, with my passport
 I have a brain but only just, and we're all glad
 We're all so glad, I'm so glad, she's so glad, he's so glad
 You know how glad I am?