Early in the morning on a cold day in August
A creature was out roaming in the square
"Disruption", screamed the news reel,
"Was the consequence of laziness,
But how it got out we're really not aware"
It said "We have measures we can take to avoid civic panic
And I will not have a coward in my land
Bring out the tanks and sten guns
To contain the situation
As he felt the ice cool switchblade in his hand
But he stands with the community with pride
And he leads the village choir Sunday night
He doesn't really exist, it's all done with mirrors

So they searched among the buildings,
Through the woods and through the hedgerows
To try to lure the creature from his lair
The parish hadn't seen a single thing like this in years
And beasts upon the Sabbath wasn't fair.
We have police to deal with circumstances such as this they cry out
And we pay our rates to hide things from our eyes
And all we want to do is feed the poodles, practice croquet
Without a monster roaming by surprise
And the farmer got the beast into his sight
And the bullets ricocheted into the night
It didn't really exist, it's all done with mirrors

And I was merely passing
But could not resist a comment
When I heard of all the dangers in your patch
Because hidden terror strikes the heart
When laws are under scrutiny
So as you go I tell you of the catch

No matter how many beasts you shoot or enemies you bury
There'll always be another lurking near
Because the hungry never sleep
And they are out to cause you worry
So guard your nests and I hope I've made it clear
So as you go I must be passing on
Close your eyes and think of Bournemouth
I'll be gone
I don't really exist, it's all done with mirrors