Oh God, I'm Santa Claus

The Arrogant Worms

Open my eyes, what a beautiful day 
Just the type that makes me want to say hooray 
I'm still a little fuzzy-headed from my sleep 
Into my brain reality seeps 
Look all around me, can't believe what I see 
These little short people are surrounding me 
I've got a white beard, a suit made of red 
My soul becomes filled with a keen sense of dread 

Oh God, I'm Santa Claus 
Oh God, I'm Santa Claus 
Oh God, I'm Santa Claus 
Oh God, I'm Santa Claus 

Hop out of bed, kick an elf in the chest 
What an awful way to awake from a rest 
"Santa, oh, Santa," the little gnomes cheer 
"You shouldn't be nasty at this time of year!" 
"What do you mean?" I say in a rage 
"And what are you doing with those big burlap bags?" 
The elves they do roar, "Why their full of toys 
For you to deliver to the good girls and boys." 

Oh God, I'm Santa Claus 
Oh God, I'm Santa Claus 
Oh God, I'm Santa Claus 
Oh God, I'm Santa Claus 

Resigned to my fate, I load up the sleigh 
Harness the reindeer and get under way 
It's nippy up here in the cool arctic sky 
Good thing I remembered that bottle of rye 
Flying over rooftops, throwing out toys 
Hopefully crushing those good girls and boys 
Like a bad dream, I pray for release 
Please let this hellish existence be ceased! 

Oh God, I'm Santa Claus 
Oh God, I'm Santa Claus 
Oh God, I'm Santa Claus 
Oh God, I'm Santa Claus 

From this nightmare I finally awake 
My brain is on fire, my hands they do shake 
But wait, they're not hands, they're cute little paws 
I'm the Easter Bunny, I'm not Santa Claus! 

Oh God, I'm the Easter Bunny 
Oh God, I 'm Easter Bunny 
Oh God, I'm Easter Bunny 
Oh God, I'm Easter Bunny