Oh, Johnny was a tall man but his memory was short 
He'd forget to duck at doorways and often he'd get hurt 
I took good care of him for he had no family 
Actually he did, but he forgot who they be 

Johnny often liked to go out on the town 
He'd forget where he'd be going so he'd just wander around 
I knew when he was back for I would hear the smack 
Of his head hitting the doorway but tonight it was alack 

Johnny came home headless, it was a great disgrace 
But wherever it's a-lying there's a smile upon his face 
I should have seen it coming, he finally lost his mind 
But if his head don't turn up soon then all his hats are mine 

Johnny came towards me but suddenly he stopped 
As if trying to think of something but having no luck 
Still he didn't notice that his head weren't there 
'Til he took out a brush and tried to comb his hair 

I said, "Johnny where's your cranium?" but he didn't seem to know 
He just shrugged his shoulders and tried to find his nose 
And the sight of him there topless made me start to cry 
For I feared we'd ne'er again see eye to eye

Johnny came home headless, it was a great disgrace 
But wherever it's a-lying there's a smile upon his face 
I should have seen it coming, he should have stayed in bed 
For now I fear he'll spend his life just trying to get ahead 

Refusing to believe that he had split for good 
His lower half and me searched the neighbourhood 
It soon became apparent that his head we wouldn't find it 
He could not retrace his steps, he was absent minded 

Well years went by til late one night I heard a voice I swore 
Was Johnny calling out to me, I flung open the door 
Johnny's head was home, it took a taxi cab 
Alas, it was too late, his body had gone bad 

Johnny's head was homeless, his body was cremated 
And the funeral was harder than he had anticipated 
I should of seen it coming he said in his eulogy 
But never thought I'd have to say I ain't got no-body 

(I ain't got nobody) 

Johnny came home headless, it was a great disgrace 
But now his head's upon a shelf, a smile upon his face 
But now his head's upon a shelf, a smile upon his face