Miss Marry Ann 
Kept her man 
In porcupine gloves, in porcupine gloves 
And on that day 
As scheduled 
They made porcupine love, porcupine love 

So stiff and stuck and prickly 
He came in and then back out quickly 
But lord not any quicker than according to plan 
Like a soldier, one foot in front of the other 

Miss Marry Ann 
Had a man 
Named Stan, Stan Buttler 
He had no antlers 
He had no center 
He had no enter and he had no exit 

His hair was short and prickly 
He came in and then back out quickly 
But lord not any quicker than according to plan 
Like a soldier, one foot in front of the other 

And how he loved her apple pies, 
How he loved her meat loaf, 
How he loved her chicken breasts, 
How he loved her pudding, 
Served promptly at eight o'clock, 
Served promptly at seven 
Served promptly at ten o'clock, 
And promptly at eleven heaven 

Miss Marry Ann 
Kept her cans 
In alphabetical order 
Miss Marry Ann 
Began to have 
Some thoughts of murder 

Miss Marry Ann 
Started to think 
Real hard about her future 
Miss Marry Ann 
Preferred her meat 
To be freshly butchered 

Oh she killed him rather quickly 
Man that woman was truly sickly 
But lord not any sicker than according to plan 
Like a soldier, one foot in front of the other 

And how he loved her apple pies, 
How he loved her meat loaf, 
How he loved her chicken breasts, 
How he loved her pudding, 
Served promptly at eight o'clock, 
Served promptly at seven 
Served promptly at ten o'clock, 
And promptly at eleven heaven 

Miss Marry Ann 
Kept her man 
In porcupine gloves, in porcupine gloves 
And on that day 
As scheduled 
They made porcupine love, 
Porcupine lo-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-apchu!