Valerie, you put me on the rack 
Valerie, you'll give me a heart attack 
You say that I'm history 
You say I'm no good 

Then you want to be like two babes in the wood 
That's what I wouldn't call playing to the gallery 
I keep waiting, waiting, waiting for Valerie 
Valerie, why don't you put that down?

Valerie, you're gonna choke and drown
If you don't give up off this junk food jag 
They're gonna take you home in a body bag 
I can't stand to see one more calorie 
I keep waiting, waiting, waiting for Valerie 

Well, I'm soft in the head, and I give her hard cash 
She spends all my money on junk and trash 
Nylon fur and plastic shoes 
And fifty-seven things she's never gonna use 
Never, never gonna use, Valerie 

She's got a figure like this, lips like that 
Red fingernails, teeth like a cat 
I know she's going to be the ruin of me 
She's got me running on nervous energy 
Runnin' on nervous energy 

Valerie, she wants to move out of town 
Valerie, she wants the money down 
Valerie, she wants leopard skin this and tiger skin that 
Matching luggage and a matching hat
I can't afford her on my salary 

I keep waiting, waiting, waiting for Valerie 
I keep waiting, waiting, waiting for Valerie