Ahhh...sweet youth 
The joys of becoming a teenage prostitute 
Or in my case a blood-crazed gladiator 
Til I got stuck on this planet and got hooked 
on the weed and the crack and the booze and the pills and the speed 
And the sex and the mud and blood and the shit 
Let's go hit the 
Nitro-burning funny bong 
Just one hit, your life goes wrong 
Nitro-burning funny bong 
Another stupid stoner song 
Fat and lame 
The claws have been clipped and the tigers been tamed 
By a bong, and a schlong 
Yes now we have all seen how games can go wrong 
My brains filled with bees and my cock is diseased 
Laden with pus it hangs well past my knees 
A swarm of narcotics could get me through this 
My manager's gonna be pissed 
Let's go hit the 
Nitro-burning funny bong 
Just one hit, your life goes wrong 
Nitro-burning funny bong 
Another stupid stoner song 
Oh, can you take it 
Yeah, do a monster
Oh, can you deal with it? 
We won't respect you unless you get high with the boys 
Now I'm old 
Strapped in my cell as I cultivate mold 
In the twilight of my years 
I am still a drug addict 
I'm sucking all night long on a ten foot bong 
Moistened with lotion, 
wrapped in a sarong I live like a king 
but you know that I act like a faggot
Once was a warrior, now just a sponge 
High all the time got a dick like a muskellunge 
My glorious destiny it turned to shit 
Can I get another hit? 
From the Nitro-burning funny bong 
Just one hit, your life goes wrong 
Nitro-burning funny bong 
Another stupid stoner song 
Oh, can you take it 
Yeah, do a monster 
Oh, can you deal with it?
We won't respect you unless you get high with the boys