Once upon a time 
It was in Albuquerque, New Mexico 
There were these girls that worked at the college 
The were really cool... 
(They thought so anyway) 
The would be delighted to tell you how suave they where 
At the drop of a hat 

There was three of 'em: 
One of them thought she was a Beauty Queen... 
The other one was a Walking Blow-Job 
And then there was this skinny girl... 

Oh well... 
Some of the guys in the band got together 
With the girls from the college 
They were having a good time... 
(We were in Alburquerque for a couple of days) 
But these girls thought they were Hot Shit 
'N wouldn't pooch the guys in the band 
On the first day, so... 
A couple of the guys in the band 
Who were desparate for THAT KIND OF ACTION 
Kept workin' on 'em for two days 
(Which is a waste of fuckin' time anyway...) 
So, anyway... 
But if that's your idea of a good time, what the hey? 

Send those pants up here! 
Here's some more! 
Okay, good-good! 
Traditional cotton...oh, how sweet! 
Umf...huh-huh-huh-huhhh... 
HERE! Work these! 

Anyway... 
We're in Albuquerque, New Mexico... 
A couple of the guys in the band, who shall go nameless 
Because their girlfriends might find out 
Decided they were gonna work the wall on these girls 
From the college 
So, one night...it was the first night 
When they were still trying to 'get it in there' 
(Ya know what I mean? Huh-huh-huh-huh...) 
The skinny girl, she says to one of the guys in the band 
She says, well, to several of the guys in the band 
And one of the T-shirt guys too... 
"HEY! LET'S GO SKINNY-DIPPING!" 
At two o'clock in the morning at the pool at the hotel 
That's right, your heard right, 
Two o'clock in the morning, pool at the hotel... 
It was so fun... 
But the water was very, very cold! 
So they go out there and the girl who was really skinny 
'N' probably totally insensitive to climatic changes 
Took all of her garments off and she jumped in the pool 
And she says, "HEY GUYS! COME ON IN!" 
Well, one of them did... 
The other one was too smart for that shit 
So him and the T-shirt guy say by the edge of the pool 
And when the girl who was really skinny 
(And insensitive to climatic changes) 
Took off her clothes and jumped in the pool 
She threw her pants over there by the little table 

Well, one of the guys in the band picked up het panties 
(He told me later the stuff in the bottom 
Was like punching an eclair...) 
Anyhow...there was nothing else to do... 
It was Alburquerque, New Mexico 
It's two o'clock in the morning... 
They're not going to get any nooky anyway... 
So this one guy and the T-shirt guy 
Started sniffing the girl's panties... 
They were sniffing the fudge and sniffing the glue... 
Sniffing every 'thing' that adhered to these 
Delightful little morsels 
(Some of you might think this is weird... 
No wonder. It's not exactly normal, but 
What the fuck?) 
So, they're snorting it... 
(Hey! It's the twentieth century... 
Whatever you can do to have a good time, let's get on with it, 
So long as it doesn't cause a murder...) 

So they're snorting the pants 
'N' then they put them on their heads... 
They were having a good time... 
The girl was in the water...she didn't even see 
What was going on with her underpants... 
They were wearing the pants 
It looked just like a tiny little party hat... 
Their ears were sticking out the side...it was so fun 
Later on they discovered, 
This would make a great way of life for them... 
They would go from town to town, looking for panties 
They would take the panties after they were hung up 
On the clothes line 
Later on they would take 'em back in the dressing room 
They would play with them... 
They would fetish the underpants... 
They would snort every little morsel attached 
To the underpants...and then...they would feel that 
They were FULFILLED 

And so you can see, 
That what we're doing here on stage 
Is part of a Great American Tradition 
The tradition of the 
JAZZ DISCHARGE PARTY HATS