Santa kissed me under the mistletoe 
tasted like egg nog and it was gross 
said he was lonely and it had been a while 
the elves run frantic when they see that look in his eyes 
he sat me down and went on and on 
wouldn't shut up about how Mrs. Claus had gone 
he said the plumber must've done something right 
he fixed her pipes and she paid him back all through the night... 

fa la la la la la (4x)

Santa kissed me under the mistletoe 
i guess i'm wondering how far this would go 
we talked and drank until it was light 
then the bartender kicked us out 'cause we got into a fight 
but i kept thinking of the swag for free 
besides the old geezer needs some company 
well i've been broke this year 
it wouldn't be so bad 
i hate to admit it, but he's the best i've ever had.... 

fa la la la la la (4x)

Santa kissed me and i kissed him back 
but i did it for the toys 
figured i could get something more 
than i did from other boys 
Santa kissed me and i kissed him back 
but i did it for the toys 
smiled at me and wanted to see if i would 

but he's a pervert you can tell by his smile 
or check the NAMBLA membership locked in his files 
that big red suit and jolly face is a disguise 
he only took it for the joys of little kids bouncing on his thighs 
he drives me crazy now, he calls me all the time 
i'm gonna dump him as soon as i get what's mine 
guess i should really reveal my family ties 
he won't get a clue so i hit him with a matzo ball 
right between the eyes... 

fa la la la la la (4x)

santa kissed me and i kissed him back 
but i did it for the toys 
figured i could get something more 
than i did from other boys 
santa kissed me and i kissed him back 
but i did it for the toys 
smiled at me and wanted to see if i would (4x)

what a loser!